mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize