The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
