I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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