remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
