It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
