..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize