help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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