@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
