I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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