Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
