atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
