Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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