y did u give ur computer a hand job?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
