Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
