A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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