I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
