need another drink. this is the easiest way
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
