i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize