I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
