dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
