Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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