Got a toothbrush?
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
