cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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