just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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