k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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