I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
