just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
