God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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