I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
