Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
