i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
