I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize