I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
