so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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