And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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