you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
