You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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