everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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