Got a toothbrush?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
