tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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