last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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