I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
