how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
