You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
