Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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