please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
