I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Dear god my vagina.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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