Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
