I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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