just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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