She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
