If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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