he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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