Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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