community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
