I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
