I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
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I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
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No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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