this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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