I queefed so loud it echoed.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
