i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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