my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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