I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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