I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
