i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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