I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
