My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
