u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
