oh god the rape fog is back!
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
