anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
