I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
