I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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