Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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