i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
