sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
