Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
